


Henry the Swan Queen Shipper

by orphan_account



Series: The Swan Queen Shippers [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack Attempt, Deliberate Retcon, F/F, F/M, Hook Didn't Come Back, Meta, OOC Henry, OOC Zelena, Robin Didn't Die, These tags might be wrong, Zelena Is A Shipper AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:44:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8821012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The race is on to stop Zelena from telling Henry about Swan Queen. There is deliberate retcon, Hook bashing, and *hopefully* plot conveniences worse than the ones in the actual show.





	

Zelena ran like a maniac towards the Mills manor when Robin Hood appeared with Merida. The two were clearly unwell and had been drinking. They were sloppily kissing when Robin saw Zelena.

"Zelena! Wherever are you going?" drawled Robin. He suddenly got dizzy and fell. Merida laughed like Rumplestiltskin and started singing "Titanium". Robin glared at her, then she skipped away screaming about narwhals.

Then it hit Zelena. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

Robin pondered this, now suddenly  _not_ drunk, and said, "Blame TooManyFandomsInside. That author loves retcon. It's for the Plot."

Robin and Zelena walked at a slow pace to the Mills mansion, talking animatedly about Hook. "Why on earth would Emma want  _him_? He tried to kill her family-"

"In fairness, so did you," Robin pointed out to Zelena.

"-yes, but you don't see me dating her, do you? And Regina clearly wasn't the best fit for you. Tinker Bell was wrong. Blame the bosses of  _Once Upon a Time_ , they just love screwing up fairy tales. I don't remember seeing Snow White with daggers on Aurora trying to kill innocents. And Ariel's story was so wrong. And  _Frozen_ was just there for advertisement and the whatnot," Zelena replied.

"You know, I think they just killed me off because Sean Maguire didn't like their writing."

"If I had Aladdin's genie lamp, I would wish that the  _Once Upon a Time_ writing was actually not plot-driven, had less MacGuffins, and was less retcon-filled."

"Well, luckily for you, Season 6 has already started," Regina said, catching up to Zelena. Emma flanked Regina.

"Aww, look at Swan Queen. Hurry, let's run!" Zelena exclaimed. She shrieked like a banshee and ran, singing "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?"

Regina snarled and teleported to the house. Henry was inside, drawing in a sketchbook. Emma snatched it and fainted. Regina saw it and blanched. "Henry, what is the meaning of this?"

"Grandma said to draw True Love for our family project," Henry explained, "and since Snowing has a smaller fanbase than Swan Queen, I decided to draw Swan Queen."

"You might as well be drawing Wicked Outlaw!" Regina exclaimed. "I think we messed up Storybrooke."

"And it hasn't been messed up since Pilot?" Henry sarcastically quipped.

"It was also messed up in Welcome to Storybrooke. And in Souls of the Departed-"

"That was the Underworld."

"But the promo...."

"Was lying."

Zelena and Robin entered the house through teleportation and were kissing. A lot. Henry and Regina cringed.

"Um... more fanfiction fodder?" Henry squeaked.

Zelena picked up Henry's sketchbook and exclaimed, "Oh, glory Hallelujah! The Swan Queen ship has expanded! I must tell Ruby. She's the biggest gossip around."


End file.
